Alices New Personal Page

Alice's Family and Friends

I am your worst nightmare ~
A blond with a brain (EG)

DUMB BLONDE ?

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,"Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant with twins.
How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.
You know what she'll say after that?
Is it mine?
Why can't blondes dial 911?
They can't find the eleven on the phone.
Did you hear about the two blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter."
Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Why was the blonde reviewing the ABCs?
She was studying for a multiple choice test.
Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads?
They want to measure their intelligence.
Why do blondes stand under light bulbs?
It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea
Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work?
In case they have to draw blood.

AND NOW A SMART BLOND

A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to will need some kindof security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over thekeys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in frontof the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. A bank employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5000.00 and the interest which is $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us, is why would you bother to borrow $5000. ?" The Blonde replied, "Where else in New York, can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15.00?"

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister,"When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, " comfortable"? The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slow." (com-for-da-bul)

Blondes Strike back

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it
What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.
Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.
What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible
What's a brunette's mating call?
"Has the blonde left yet?"
What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation
What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage